The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of a Link |
to the Awakening of Time |
Profile for Zelda |
Name: Zelda, the Princess of Hyrule and the Princess of Destiny. Isn't she lucky? Age: 20 Birthday: July 30 Astrological Sign: Leo Height: 5'5" Weight: a lady doesn't like to reveal that Hair color: blonde Eye color: blue (jeez, her and Link could pass for brother and sister, couldn't they?) Location: Hyrule, planted on her royal butt |
Marital Status: scorns Link but secretly desires him Hobbies: being a bitch, being kidnaped over and over by Ganon, screaming at Link, waiting for Link to get off his sorry ass to come and rescue her, planting daisies in her garden, secretly daydreaming of Link, playing with her cat, Miss Snuffles, being a bitch, brushing her long, blonde locks a thousand times a day, and dealing with the voices in her head. |
Pets: white Persian cat, Miss Snuffles, a horse, Beautiful, and another horse, Moonbeam (deceased) Occupation: the Princess of Hyrule and all around bitch |
Short Biography: born to the King and Queen of Hyrule, (who still remain nameless until this day), Princess Zelda was mostly raised by her faithful nursemaid Impa throughout her early years. The Princess' father didn't spend much time with her, because his royal duties kept him busy or some junk. The Queen never really paid much mind to politics and spent way too much time in the royal stables. Zelda grew up mostly alone, except for Impa, who wasn't much fun anyway. The young princess would often kill time by playing with her Barbie dolls or by torturing small animals. When this grew mundane and rather stale, she would begin to |
pester her father about getting her a pet. The King was never one for animals, but finally gave in to his daughter's commands and bought her a gerbil. What Zelda really had in mind was a horse, so she flushed the poor creature down the toilet. Upon seeing this display of disturbing behavior, her father had her sent to the Royal Boarding School for Brats for a few years. It is believed that it was here where Zelda acquired her snotty and pseudo-psychotic attitude. After two years there, she returned back to Hyrule Castle, only to find out that her mother had somehow found her way under a horse and got killed. An open bottle of lubricant was found next to her corpse, but this little known fact was never really brought up. Impa took on a stronger role as the female guardian of the princess and began to train her in the ways of politics and girly activities. Around the time she was eight, Zelda began to receive visions in her sleep of a young man, holding the legendary Master Sword, and of a pig/humanlike dude who had a thing for the Golden Girls. Bewildered about her dreams, she asked Impa what they meant. At first the nursemaid dismissed them as gobbledygook, but as the visions became more intense and freaked Zelda out, Impa realized that the princess was seeing the future Hero of Time and the King of Evil, Ganon. |
She told Zelda that this man from her dreams would be the savior of Hyrule, thus making the girl herself the Princess of Destiny. What this meant was still a mystery, so Zelda basically ignored her fate and thought it was her mind or her blonde hair playing tricks on her. Then the shit hit the fan on that one fateful day, when she was ten years old and met the boy who would alter her life forever in a most intense way. Impa had found him in the forest and brought him back to the castle because he greatly resembled the boy who Zelda described from her dreams. Upon first seeing him, the princess knew he was the soon-to-be Hero of Time, Link. She wasn't sure if the hero was supposed to reek like that, but that was a different story. So the King allowed Link to stay at the castle and live with them. It didn't take long for Link and Zelda to become best friends and form a bond that would remain eternal (:::cough:::). Soon, the princess was kidnaped for the first time by Ganon, causing Link to embark on his first epic quest. Naturally she was rescued, but then kidnaped again. Of course Link brought her back each and every time she was snatched, and not only did he save her, but the Triforce as well. The Triforce of Wisdom was Zelda's destined portion of the mystical object, but unfortunately she didn't use it very often. Anyway, as the two grew up and matured into adulthood, the hormones began to kick in and the feelings between them began to shift. Link started to make it obvious that he had quite the thing for her, but Zelda did her best to mask her true emotions. Now at twenty years old, she is still trying her best to scorn Link, but feels that the emotional barrier she had put up so long ago is about to crumble. She wants to shag him. She wants to shag him rotten. |
Zelda: "Link, you fuck up, where are we?!" Link: "Err...wait a sec, Zelda. Just keep holding my hand like that...ohhhh yeah." Zelda: "Link, where are your pants?!" Link: "Dammit! I knew I forgot something!" Zelda: "You dumbass!" Link: "Well, excuse me, Princess!" |
Link and Zelda: Age 15 |
