Lunaretine, you scare me more and more with each new chapter. Bring me back to the Legend of Zelda story page!! |
Like Aaron? He was modeled after Dave Chappelle's character in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" when I first created the character 6 years ago. Tidbits aside, move onto Chapter 11! |
Chapter 10: Aaron, Link's Hapless Protégée The next thing Link remembered after being sucked up by the whirlwind was falling flat onto his back in Hyrule Castle's courtyard. "Goddamit!" he yelped. "I need to start wearing padding under my tunic!" Miss Snuffles, relieved that she was now home, scooted off of him and ran into the castle. Link rested his hands under his head and raised an eyebrow. "Where's my fair princess?" "AAGGGHHH!" The hero gleamed naughtily when he saw Zelda falling out of the sky, screaming and waving her limbs around like she was on fire. With an ear-to-ear grin, he held out his arms and said to himself, "Thank you, God." She landed directly on top of him with a thud. "Ouch!" Zelda wailed. "Aw, so I guess it does hurt when angels fall from Heaven, huh?" Link quipped, snaking his arms around her. "I didn't break your fall?" "Shut up, you goon!" Without thinking, (which Link rarely did anyway) he yanked her close and refused to let go. She immediately caught notice, struggling against his grip. "What are you doing?" Zelda demanded. "Well, here we are. We're home! I saved your cat and your kingdom once again..." "Yeah, thanks. Now let me go!" "Uh-uh, can't do that, Princess! You owe me a kiss!" "No I don't!" "Yes you do! A big, wet, sloppy one! And I want it now!" She recoiled in horror, remembering the promise she had made to Link as they fled from Zora's Domain. ...Ugh, that's right. I said I'd kiss him once we got home after he rescued Miss Snuffles. Part of me wants to slap him! Look at that cocky gleam in his eye! Oohh! He gets me so angry I could...I could...why do I suddenly want to kiss him?... "Alright, Link. I'm a woman of my word. Just keep in mind that it doesn't mean anything." "Sure it doesn't." he smiled. She bent her head down to kiss him. Naturally, she was interrupted in the process. "Remember, you'll let me use tongue!" Link laughed. He was giddy with giddiness. "Whatever." "Do I get to touch you?" "...You're touching me now." "No, I mean, do I get to touch you?" "Huh? ...Oh! NO!" "Okay, good enough." Link anxiously moved in to snatch a kiss before Zelda could react, but as things always go in this sordid tale, Link didn't get what he was hoping for. "Link! Zelda! Welcome back!" It was the Hylian King. The princess pulled away from Link just as he was gonna get his smooch and saw her father waddling over to them. Miss Snuffles was snuggled in his pudgy arms. "Daddy!" Zelda squealed, getting up to hug him. Link sighed. ...Honestly Link, can you say you were surprised that this would happen? No, I can honestly say I wasn't surprised. Guess I'm not getting my kiss. What a shock! Woah, what was that? Was it the earth spinning off its axis? What a groundbreaking revelation! Mwa hahaha--er, what the hell is going on?... He got up and joined the king and princess. The monarch nodded his head at the Hero of Time. "Link, thank you for rescuing my daughter's beloved pet. Your valiant efforts will not go unrewarded!" Link looked over at Zelda and frowned. "Oh, they already have." he murmured, shoving his hands into his tunic pockets. Does he actually have pockets on his tunics in the games? I mean, he should, right? Otherwise, where would he be pulling out his hookshot and bombs from? His ass? "Daddy, I must tell you all about our adventure!" Zelda tugged on the king's sleeve and began to walk with him into the castle. Once the coast was clear, Navi flew out from Link's pouch and started complaining. Hey, it's what she did best. "What a bitch. Come on, Link. You need some rest. Want me to give you a back rub?" "Yeah, right." he smirked. "How are you gonna do that?" "Well, maybe it's not your back that needs the rubbing..." she coaxed, batting her miniature eyelashes like a pint-sized vixen. It didn't work. "Oh Jesus Christ, I'm going to my room to sleep. I'll see you later, Navi." Link headed off, following Zelda back into Hyrule Castle. The faerie followed him all the way up to his room, where he happily collapsed onto the bed. "It's bedtime for Bonzo." he chirped, closing his eyes. It had been a while since he slept comfortably in a bed. The last time that happened was the night they chilled with the Zoras, when Zelda went apeshit on Ruto. Heh, that rocked. Navi took a seat on a bedpost, pulling her knees under her chin. "So...you want to do something later, cutie?" No answer. "Fine then, I'm going to check my e-mail. Later!" She buzzed off. Ha ha ha! I made a funny! For the rest of the afternoon Link slept like a baby, enjoying raunchy dreams laced with visions of Zelda and Pop Tarts. Meanwhile, the princess was seated with her father in the Royal Family Room (such originality!) shooting the shit. "Daughter, tell me about your adventure!" "Oh Daddy, it was so exciting!" Zelda smoothed out her dress and picked Miss Snuffles up off the floor. She hadn't worn a dress since she disembarked with Link. Its silky fabric felt nice against her legs and made her feel all girly. "There were times when Link and I...argued, but overall, it was a learning experience. Sure beats being cooped up in here all the time." "Indeed." The king shook his head in agreement. He decided to abruptly change the topic. "So Zelda...do you see yourself marrying him in a year or two?" "What you say?!" She was so taken back by her father's comment that she couldn't even speak proper English. Instead, some really bad Engrish escaped from her lips. "You heard me, Zelda. Don't you think Link makes an excellent suitor? He is the legendary hero of Hyrule. How often does one of those come around?" "Father, I will hear no more of this...this...tomfoolery!" She quickly stood up, sending her cat tumbling onto the floor. "Oh I'm so sorry, Miss Snuffles!" "Meow!" "It was only a simple question, dear daughter. Don't overreact." "I'm not overreacting!" Zelda yelled, clenching her fists at her sides. "Calm down, sweetie!" "I AM CALM!" Impa the nursemaid entered the room after hearing the sudden commotion. "Is everything all right in here?" she asked. "Everything's fine, Impa." Zelda sternly responded. "Zelda started panicking when I brought up the topic of her marrying Link." the Hylian king explained to the frail, Geratol-inhaling woman. "I'm not panicking!" "No need to shout, your Highness." Impa tried to silence Zelda's rants by motioning with her hands. "Besides, your father and I were discussing this same issue. I think it would be a wonderful idea to marry the boy-" "Why are we talking about this?!" the princess snapped. "Why are you two teaming up against me?!" "Why are you getting so defensive, Zelda?" her father questioned, alarmed at his spawn's reaction. "I thought you'd like the idea too. Link worships the ground you walk on. He's shown great valor on his journeys and has an unmatched dedication to Hyrule." "Not to mention that he's really hot!" Impa snickered, nudging arms with the king. "Oh, isn't he a cute one? Can you imagine what beautiful children Link and Zelda will produce?" The princess was horrified. This time, instead of spouting Engrish, she kept her mouth shut. Fear prevented her from opening it up and saying something. "They might walk into a few walls, but they'd certainly be pretty!" Impa continued. "My, if I were young enough, I'd go upstairs and give Link a test-drive, if you know what I mean!" "I only wish my daughter would have that attitude, Impa!" "You'd think that at her age, she'd at least have three children by now! Link seems so spry and virile!" "OH MY GOD, EW! SHUT UP!" Zelda finally had found the power to speak. She was disgusted beyond words. Appalled, even! No, she was more than that! She was aghast! Aghast, I tell you, aghast! "What's wrong, Zelda?" inquired the king. "You seem so...pale all of a sudden." "I-I can't listen to you two anymore! I'm going upstairs!" Without another word, Zelda stormed out of the room. The king looked at Impa and shrugged his shoulders. "Was it something we said?" "Heh, did you see her blush, your Majesty? She wants that boy bad." The princess, in a frenzy, darted down the hall and up the stairs. ...How dare they say things like that to my face! I hope to God Link didn't overhear, 'cause it'll make the moron gloat like there's no tomorrow. Yuckies! They want me to marry Link? Even worse, they want me to make babies with him? How vulgar! Stop kidding yourself, Zelda. You like it when you hear things like that, but you know you can't show it. Ack! I want the part of my brain that says rational things to shrivel up and die! (Author's note: That already happened, long ago.) I can't bear to think of Link in that way! We have a hard time getting along as friends. As a couple, we'd be at each other's throats. Then again, maybe we wouldn't be. It would be interesting to hear what Link would say to all this nonsense. Hell, I might as well ask him. I'm right in front of his room... Zelda stared at Link's closed bedroom door for several minutes. Taking in a deep breath, she slowly opened it, only to find a sleeping Link, cuddling onto his pillow and making cooing sounds. "Aw, how cute. The lazy ass isn't even home for an entire afternoon and he's already asleep." She turned around, and as a teaser, added, "I guess he can forget about that kiss." At her last words, Link's head shot up and he smiled in a very peculiar manner. "Kiss?" he began. "Yes, I do believe you owe me that." "Wow. That was some reaction I just got from you." She twiddled her thumbs and looked down at her royal feet. "If you're that anxious, I might as well give you your kiss then." "Quit standing in my doorway and get over here, Princess!" Link cheered. He eagerly outstretched his arms. "Let's not get carried away, hero." Zelda walked over to the bed, where he grabbed her and pulled her on top of him. They've got an awful habit of getting on top of each other and doing nothing, don't they? "Link!" she laughed. ...Oh! How devilish of me! I feel like a child who should get slapped across the knuckles with a hard object!... He simply wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly. They smiled and gazed into each other's eyes. And then birds flew in through the window and started singing a joyful song. The clouds parted, allowing the rays of the setting sun to illuminate the room. Angels descended from their posts, and a choir of prepubescent boys broke out into Handel's "Hallelujah" chorus. ...Na, I'm just fucking with you! Link and Zelda only stared at each other longingly. The princess reached out and snatched Link's trademark green sock/hat right off his head. "Hey!" Link jokingly cried, trying to get it back. "Why'd you do that?" "This thing is so gross!" She held the cap up and made a face. "How long have you had it?" "For as long as I can remember." He adjusted himself so they now would be lying on their sides facing each other. "My mother left it in my basket when she abandoned me in front of the Great Deku Tree." "You had a basket?" Zelda grinned. "Yeah! Along with a Beethoven for Babies CD." "You know, this thing was probably meant to be used as a diaper, Link." "Think so?" "Maybe." "I prefer to wear it on my head rather than on my ass, thank you very much!" Zelda dropped the green sock thingie onto Link's chest. "Hey, has my father said anything to you recently?" "Well, he said 'welcome back' before! Does that count?" She rolled her blue eyes. "That's not what I meant." "Then what did you mean?" "Has he said anything to you about me?" "All the time! Like what?" "About us?" "Hmm, not really." "Oh." ...Christ, what a relief!! Aw, now I feel like poop though. Link looks so adorable right now with his disheveled hat hair!... "Zelda, if your father says anything to me, I'll make sure that I tell him nothing but the truth." "...Which is?" Zelda nervously asked. "About what a bitch I can be?" "No! That you're just my favorite girl in the universe, and that I'd trek the longest, driest deserts and swim the deepest blue oceans just to get a glimpse of you. Hell, I've done that already! Not every guy can sincerely admit to that!" She giggled, feeling blood rush to her cheeks faster than Michael Jackson to a little boy. Link gently brushed some of her hair away from her face and wore a smile similar to a confused puppy's. "That's exactly what I'd say, Zelda. Oh, of course I'll throw in the whole 'I'd die for her' thing too, because although it's something I've already told you, it's something I still and will always mean." "Link..." Her voice trailed off. ...Jesus, what do I say to that? Hmm, maybe I should say what I'm thinking now. That would make sense, wouldn't it? He's so pressing my right buttons! I'd like him to press up against something else... "Link?" "Yes, Zelda?" he sweetly questioned. ...Oh my God, is she going to say what I think she's gonna say? Please!!!!!! If there is a god, Zelda will say it!!!... "Oh, Link..." She suddenly looked at him with a desperate look in her eye. "Kiss me!" The Hero of Time did his best to hide his immense joy by nonchalantly replying, "I must obey my princess..." ...Who's your daddy??... It was like a moment out of a fairy tale...well, a screwy fairy tale. They embraced as Zelda practically forced Link on top of her. Their bottom lips were barely touching when something happened to ruin the moment, like it always does. Doesn't Link ever learn? "WOAH!! Link, I didn't know you and Zelda were just about to get it on! I'll come back later!" It was Aaron, Link's protégée who also lived at Hyrule Castle. The royal palace also served as a youth hostile. As he was about to leave, Zelda, you can say, regained her senses. "Aaron! Come back, it's okay!" She pushed Link off and sat up. The hero began grinding his teeth. He sure as shit wasn't okay with it, goddamit! "You sure, Princess?" The boy sheepishly reentered the room. Link was giving him the infamous "Look of Death", you know, if looks could kill? "I can always come back later." Aaron added as he saw his mentor's expression. "No, stay!" Zelda barked. She was afraid if Aaron left, Link would want to continue getting all lovey-dovey. "Yes, Aaron. Stay." Link insisted in a somewhat demonic tone. ...Yes, stay. You've already fucked it up! There really must be a god above...a god with a cruel sense of humor!!... Aaron was like Link's little brother, and the Hero of Time loved him dearly, but...it was inevitable now. Aaron had to die. "So Link, I just wanted to know if you could help me with my archery tomorrow. I mean, since you're a master archer and all..." the teenager spoke slowly. He was afraid one bad move would send Link over the edge, and he'd use him to sharpen the Master Sword on. ...Yes Aaron, let's play a game of William Tell... Link thought. "Sure, Aaron. No problem." "Okay, kick ass. Well, I'll leave you two alone now. You've both been away from home for a long time and look quite frisky! Later!" The boy left, shutting the door behind him. Link quickly yanked Zelda down and got on top of her. When he went to kiss her, she twisted her head around and he ended up tonguing his pillow instead. "No, Link. I'm not in the mood anymore." She pushed him off and stood up. "Zelda!" Link pathetically shrieked. "Don't leave me like this!" "Stop it, Link! Grow up! Be a man, you pussy!" With that tidbit of advice, she walked out and slammed his door. "What a fucking bitch!" he laughed to himself. He couldn't help but laugh. That's how damn pitiful his situation was. "If I had a rupee for how many times her and I have been interrupted, I'd be fucking rich!" He scanned the quiet room and smiled. "Well, since Zelda and I can't act out our fantasies in reality, we'll have to do them inside my head!" He dived under his blankets and did the very action that earned him the nickname "Mr. Lefty." Tee-hee! Things weren't so peaceful and gay back in Zelda's bedroom up in the castle tower. She was resting on her stomach on top of her bed, pondering as hard as she could without hurting herself. ...Din, what almost happened up there? I'm starting to crumble under him--literally! If Aaron hadn't come in, I might've been...might've been...doing unladylike things! But I kinda wish Aaron never walked in. I can't give in to Link's desires--or my own! No matter how badly I want to jump his bones, I can't do it! I MUST NOT do it! Oh God, if I keep it up like this, Link's gonna get his way! OUCH!! I'm thinking too hard. Let me just go to sleep. Hmpf. I could've been sleeping in Link's arms if--Zelda, stop it!... The two sides of her brain (the ones that functioned, obviously), started arguing back and forth. ...You want him! No you don't! You want him! No you don't! You want him badly! No you don't! Shut the fuck up! You are so horny right now, admit it! No you're not! You're just PMSing!... While she was thinking, her father had walked up to her room and remained in the doorway. Since she appeared to be sleeping, he left her alone. "Aw, she's asleep. I'll talk to her in the morning." Zelda wasn't asleep at all. Her brain cells were at war. ...Face it, you want him bad!! No you don't! Just think, you could've been contorted like a pretzel with him on top of you right now!... She couldn't take it anymore. "I DON'T WANT TO FUCK HIM!!!" she screamed as she shot up. "E-Excuse me, Zelda?" her father asked, amazed. "What in Hyrule are you dreaming about?!" "Oh, hi Daddy! I didn't notice you there." "Er, if you say so. I just came up to wish you good-night." "'Nite, Daddy!" "'Nite, sweetie." He kissed the top of her head. "It's nice having you home." "It's nice being home." "See you in the morning." With a smile, he left the room. Miss Snuffles wandered in and hopped up onto the bed next to Zelda. "Oh, my kitty. What should I do about Link?" "Meow." "Should I continue to scorn him?" "Meow." "Or should I give in to my urges?" "Meow!!" "Maybe some sleep will calm me down. Dammit, I'm really horny though!" She crawled under the covers and blew out her candle. "Maybe I should do what Link does when he feels like this. No, no, I can't do that! ...Sure you could." "MEOW!" "Eep! I forgot you were here! Sorry! I'll masturbate another time!" The next morning, bright and early, Link was helping Aaron with his archery in the castle yard. "Now Aaron, it's time to play a game." Link explained as he picked up his bow. "It'll be fun." "Really? Cool." "Yes, it's called 'William Tell'." "Hey! Isn't that where I shoot arrows at an apple on top of your head?" "Correction, Aaron. I'll be William. You're Tell. And I won't shoot an apple off your head. Instead, I'll just be shooting at your head." "Er, isn't that dangerous?" "Don't worry, I'm a master archer." "That's what I'm afraid of..." the sixteen year old boy mumbled. "Go stand in front of that tree." Link pointed at an old oak tree with some homeless dude in its branches. "But-" "Do it!!" Aaron timidly headed over to the tree and stood still. "Good, good." Link muttered as he aimed his arrow with his trusty magical bow. It's not like every goddam object Link owns is enchanted. It's just that he's the Hero of Time, so he gets all the cool shit. Cool sword. Cool bow. Cool ocarina. If only he could get laid. The frightened protegee clenched his eyes shut. "Aw, Link! If this is about-" Zing! An arrow shot right passed his head and stuck into the tree about a millimeter away from him. "Link! Are you still pissed about last night?!" he yelled as sweat drops formed on his brow. "Yes!!" Zing! Another arrow, only closer this time. "Dammit, Link! I said I was sorry! It was a total accident!" Aaron pleaded for his life. "Believe me, if I would've known Zelda was in there with you, I wouldn't have walked in!" Link lowered his bow and arrow. "Sorry, Aaron. I was just trying to scare you into knocking before you enter my room next time." "Well, you did a damn good job! I almost shit my tights!" He walked back over to Link and they both took a seat on the grass. "Aaron?" "Yeah, Link?" "Do you think it's wrong for me to want a kiss from Zelda? I mean, after all the crap she puts me through?" "Hell no, dude! For all the shit you do for her, she should have her legs open 24/7 for you! You should be making her scream who her real daddy is!" Link smiled. "Thanks, Aaron. You always manage to make me feel better." "No problem, dude! You're the man! I only tell the truth. If I feel that Zelda should be givin' your junior Master Sword a waxing, it's gospel truth!" "I'm sure it is, Aaron. I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel." "Well, why don't you? She's right there." He nodded his head over to the Royal Daisy Garden on the opposite side of the yard, where Zelda was tending to her plants. "God, she looks so beautiful right now." Link dreamily said, clenching his bow close to his chest. Zelda was wearing a long white silky robe...a thin long white silky robe. The gentle summer breeze whipped it around her legs, showing off her great God-given body. "Jesus Christ, look at those curves in all the right places! Look at those hips...that thin waist...that nice ass...her voluptuous rack...her-" "Okay Link, don't get cum all over yourself now! A least gain a little control. We all know what you want to do with that ass." the boy grinned as he gazed at Zelda. "She is pretty hot, but she's such an uptight witch. But dude, you know she wants your ass as well." he continued, turning his attention back to Link. Alas, the poor hero was still lasciviously staring at Zelda. "Link, you listening to me?" "Uh-huh..." "As I was saying, Zelda wants you just as badly as you want her! She probably wore that...that...curtain on purpose to give you a hard on. Heh, and judging by the way you're eyeing her up and down like a popsicle, I'd say the curtain did its job!" "God I want her..." "The trick to her is her pride. She's a bitch. I hate it say it, but she is--and if she did one day decide to go out with you, that would smash her ego. But since she has to be all high and mighty about it, she lets you suffer, thus causing her to suffer as well in the process. It's not a complicated matter. She's the one being the bitch right now. If she'd be normal about it, you'd be banging her pretty ass and you'd both be happy!" Aaron was having fun lecturing his hero. "She may lead you to believe that she's dryer than the Haunted Wasteland, but in reality, she's wetter than goddam Lake Hylia if you get my drift... Damn Link, are you ain't hearing a word I say!" "...Need...Zelda...sweet merciful crap...I need her..." He was now biting on his bow. "Look at her in white, trying to act all virginal. What a joke. Physically yes, she may be a virgin..." Aaron gazed up at Link, who was still gnawing away at his weapon. "...But I'm sure you'd love to do something about her virginity...and yours too--anyway, inside that twisted little brain of hers, she ain't no virgin! She probably thinks of you every night before going to bed, then has dreams that would make Larry Flint blush!" "Yes, Zelda...bend down some more...oh, that's right. Who's your daddy?" "You know what you should do, Link?" "Bend down just a little more..." "You should go right up to her and be like, 'Aight, bitch! Who's your daddy?' Then when she's on her knees and all horny and is like," He used a really funny girly sounding voice to supplement for Zelda. "'Oh, you baby! You!', you should rip it out of your tights and be like 'Here, bitch! Get on your knees and show me how much you love me!' and yeah, that would rule 'cause of course, she'd be like drooling to get that sucker into her mouth, and yeah that would fucking rock!" "Aaron?" "Yeah?" "Shut up." "Oh okay, Link. You rule." "I'm gonna go talk to her." "Woah, you sure, dude?" "Yeah. I hope she's not thinking about last night." "Good luck! And remember who her real daddy is!" "Yeah," Link smiled as he stood up. "I'm gonna go tell her how I feel!" "Kick some ass, dude!" Link walked over to the princess and her flower garden. "Hey, Zelda." "Heya." She didn't bother to look up. "Your daisies look very nice today." "Why thank you." "Er, what a splendid morning, eh?" "Very." Link bit his lip, nervous as all hell. "Well, I'll be over there. Right there..." He stupidly pointed in Aaron's direction. The princess looked up at Link, then over at Aaron, who politely waved to her. She returned the gesture. "I'll be over there if you need any help." "It's okay, Link. I don't need any." She cast her eyes downward to her daisies again. "Oh, sure. I'll catch you later then." "Bye." Link, heartbroken, made his way back over to Aaron and sat down. He buried his face in his hands and sighed. "There, there, big guy." the teenager comfortingly said as he patted Link's back. "You'll get another chance." "I want her so badly, Aaron! It's not even for sexual favors--although I'd like them very much. I just want her to hold and love, and to know that she's finally mine. The sex is just a bonus." the hero whined. "Why don't you just get a pet then?" Aaron joked. "Na, I was just kidding. Link, you'll get what's coming to you someday. Meh, she didn't even look at you before." "She did, for like a split second." "Yeah, she probably wouldn't have been able to stand looking at you for a long period of time, 'cause then she would've ended up going," For a second time, he emulated Zelda by talking in a high-pitched voice. "'Oh Link! I can't take it anymore! Take me! Take me right here and now in my daisies! Deflower me in my flowers! Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! You're my daddy!!'" Link was cracking up at Aaron's Zelda impersonation. "There, I made you smile!" the boy laughed. "Yeah, thanks for cheering me up. C'mon, let's go get something to eat." The Hero of Time got to his feet. "Wallowing in my own self-pity makes me hungry. I'm starving!" "Sure, Link. Just hold on a sec. Go ahead without me, I'll be right there." "Alright, I'll meet you in the kitchen. I'll have Impa make us some smore PopTarts!" Link scampered off into the castle. Aaron got up and stretched. He stared at Zelda, who was still hard at work in her garden. "Maybe I can have a word with her." He bravely approached the princess. She put her shovel down when she noticed Aaron standing above her. "Yes, Aaron?" "Hey, Zelda. How are you this morning?" "...Fine." she suspiciously replied. "Did Link put you up to this?" "No! He had nothing to do with this. I figured I'd talk to you for a bit. Actually, I wanted to apologize about last night. Me walking in on you and Link like that was really damn stupid." ...You should've knocked first, you twit!... Zelda angrily thought. "Oh, no problem, Aaron. Things were beginning to get out of hand anyway." "You think so? Actually, I think I messed up a good thing." "What does that mean?" "Nothing." "Oh." "..........." "..........." "I think I should be going now." Aaron stated. He felt as dumb as Link did earlier. "Yes, I agree." "I'll be talking to you later then." "Uh-huh." She was no longer looking at him, but had turned back to her flowers. The teenager left the Hylian princess and followed Link's steps back into the castle. ...Goddam! She really is difficult to talk to! How the hell does Link even manage to have a conversation with her? She better be one good piece of ass, because if she's not, she ain't worth it!... Later that day, Link was up in his room polishing his weaponry. "Dum de dum de dum..." He started to sing along to some hard rock. "She's the only one for me... Oh yeah, she's my one and only..."A knock at the door triggered him to stop serenading himself. "Come in!" Princess Zelda entered his abode and folded her arms. Link was surprised to see her. He figured she'd be avoiding him. ...Heh, she can't get enough of me. I don't blame her. I am a husky hunk... "Oh, hi Zelda." "Hey, Link. Umm...I have to go find a new horse today. I'm going to Lon Lon Ranch, and since you know a lot about this sort of thing, I thought you'd like to accompany me." "Of course, Princess!" he cheered, throwing down his rag. "I'm good friends with the guys over there. They'll be able to hook us up with a nice horsey for you." "That's good." "Yeah." Zelda uneasily shifted from one foot to the other. Link coughed. Zelda found herself crossing and uncrossing her arms. Link's left leg began to nervously shake. Zelda grabbed some of her skirt and squeezed it. Link removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. There was enough tension in the room that you could cut it with a knife. Link searched for the right words to say, but kept coming up empty. Zelda also wanted to say something, but felt a frog in her throat. Ribbit! Eventually, the Hero of Time said something. "Will that be all, Zelda?" "Yes. Want to leave in a few minutes?" "Sounds lovely." "Delightful. I'll wait for you outside." She forced a smile and left. Link grinned to himself. "You will be mine, Zelda...so help you God!!!" So he put down his sword and shield and met the princess in the courtyard. They exchanged few words before departing for Lon Lon Ranch. In the meantime, at the same ranch, a red-headed young woman sat in the barn, combing her pony's hair. She sang a demented tune as she ran the brush through the creature's mane. (Imagine a sick version of Epona's Song here, people). Her smile was vacant, as were her eyes. She stared off into the distance, not really focusing on anything in particular. Her pea-brain was filled with thoughts of her hero clad in green. She was totally infatuated with Link. Hey, what woman in Hyrule wasn't? Anyway, little did she know that he was making his way over to her ranch at that very second. Giggling, she absentmindedly braided some of the horse's hair, imagining that it was Link's glowing blonde locks. Clearly, this chick wasn't your average Hylian woman. This was Malon the ranch-girl, and she was completely out of her fucking mind. |
Like Aaron? He was modeled after Dave Chappelle's character in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" when I first created the character 6 years ago. Tidbits aside, move onto Chapter 11! |
Lunaretine, you scare me more and more with each new chapter. Bring me back to the Legend of Zelda story page!! |
